Build Your Village

Build Your Village

by Laura Culberg

I've read a lot about menopause. Countless doctors, psychologists, and mystics have written about this remarkable stage of life. In preparation for our first Put Some Claws in Your Pause Retreat, Kate and I both spent a full summer eating, sleeping, and breathing menopause. Our families were patient and kind and very informed about potential symptoms, behaviors, and physical manifestations of "the change."

As the holiday expectations and obligations summersault upon me and I grapple with my hormonal obstacle course, I am grateful for what I know. The knowledge I've built helps me maneuver this terrain. I have some context. I am able to understand a bit more about what's going on with my body and my brain. I'm able to be a bit more compassionate with myself. It's also given me the opportunity to support women friends, to say, "Oh, that's really common", "holidays and hormones are hard", or "there's no linear path."

Today I was talking to a close friend of mine who is also in menopause. I was telling her about a menopause workshop I went to where the instructor told us that women in menopause need three things: Rest, Spirituality, and Community. Rest seems somewhat obvious--- many of us have been around for a half-century or more. We're flippin' tired and we need a nap. Spirituality resonates with me because I have a strong spiritual practice, but it's easily transferrable to other words that might represent an equally powerful force for other women. "Creativity" comes to mind. Or "self-realization", "self-acceptance", self-love."

During this menopause workshop when the the teacher said that Community was one of the three things menopausal women need, I was flooded with images from our first Put Some Claws in YourPause retreat. I remember with great warmth and joy the hours of conversation after a writing exercise or a yoga class or a sauna, all of us sitting around, listening to one another. For many of us this was our first time sharing our experiences about this confusing period of life called menopause with anyone outside of our partner or our doctor.

I shared this image with my friend today. "We were witnessing each other," I told her. In this action, we were able to collectively demystify the idea of menopause. We were able to humanize each of our experiences and find comfort and humor in our similarities and differences. In witnessing each other's fierce grace and power, we were able to catch a glimpse of our own strength and capacity. At the end of the retreat lots of cool things happened. Women experienced health changes, relationship changes, and job changes. Did coming together in a safe haven of bad-ass menopausal women help people move into these changes? I think so.